3 weeks

It's hard to believe Johanna is 3 weeks old. Where did the time go!? In about 9 days she's 1 month! She's such a strong beautiful angel. 
She has survived everything thrown at her. She was born 14 weeks early, and somehow, she didn't inherit something I have that could have caused harm to her because of it, but it never did. 
This will be her first Christmas, and somehow, I don't know how, I intend to at least be there. No child should be without their parents on Christmas day, and Johanna isn't excluded from that just because she's in the NICU. 

In the news for that, Johanna is doing well! She's taking her feedings with little to no residual, she's back on her CPAP and doing well, she loves being on her belly and hates being woken up. She takes her hands on care well (temperature and diaper changing). She's still having to have some things done, but it's expected, she's 14 weeks early!

So for stats:
Weight: 2 pounds 1 1/2 ounces
Age: 3 weeks
Gestational Age: 29 weeks

As for me, I'm healing alright, the wound did appear to be closing to my nurse, and my doctor is happy that it's not infected. I'm now off all my medications but my iron and prenatal. The wound still has to be cleaned and packed, it'll take a while to heal. I have been told to lose some weight, and I do understand why. I'm trying, I really am. But this wound makes it hard to do any working out, but I walk at the least, and I'm trying to eat healthier, but my god my appetite! It's horrible xox I have sometimes never been so starved and thirsty!

So for my stats:
Physically: Just about there. Once the wound heals I'll be fully there.
Mentally: Half way. I'm still reeling from having to have her the way I did, it's hard to take in the fact that because of the placenta abrupture, she could have died, and I was slowly bleeding out. But now I'm convincing myself that there was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened as something like that can't be prevented once started (though it can be kept watched if it's found early enough, mine happened too fast) and that it wasn't my fault that she was born this early. It's hard to tell myself this, because I want to keep her safe, I want to nourish her and carry her, I want her to be home, and thankfully the NICU is doing everything in their power.
Emotionally: Hell no. I'm still crying every day, I'm still upset that she's not here, I call the NICU multiple times a day to check on her to keep myself sane. This part of me is going to take a while to heal this, and I'll probably stay emotionally bothered until she's home with her father and I. 

I won't lie, I do miss being pregnant. I miss the little kicks and jabs, I miss the ultrasounds, I miss seeing my belly about a mile out, and I miss the anticipation of the birth. 

In other news, I'm back to writing (please don't think badly of me for this, it's a good disctraction and I still love to write) but not as I was before. I'm even planning yet another story (oh hush, you know how I am by now). I'm also trying to get my tree up! XD Darn thing is fighting me. I went and bought a hot pink and white santa bootie ornament for Johanna. She now has 2 Christmas onesies, 1 stocking and 1 ornament. She'll have a lot more later I plan to take the stocking up to her so that she can have something of Christmassy up there. We also want pictures of her with the onesies, she doesn't have to wear them, we can just put the outfits against her incubator and take the pictures.